Society has told women past and present that if they are interested in a man, they need to wait for him to make the first move. Apparently it’s unladylike to initiate any kind of romantic conversation with a man. Apparently only desperate women approach men first. But how exactly is a man supposed to approach you first if he doesn’t know that you’re interested in him? For years women have perfected the art of playing coy and dropping hints. Back in the day this included obnoxiously laughing at all of his bad jokes, making prolonged eye contact, and complimenting him on his appearance. With the emergence of social media things have gotten much clearer, now if you’re interested in a man, just follow him on Instagram and like 3 of his pictures. If he doesn’t get the hint after the 3rd like then it’s a dub sis.
Recently a movement of “shooting your shot” and “sliding in the dm’s” has become HUGE for most men and some women on social media. To explain it as simply as possible, to shoot your shot is to let go of your pride and fears and approach someone that you’re attracted to. Sliding in the dm’s is shooting your shot in someone’s messages on a social media platform like Twitter or Instagram. Basically the shoot your shot movement was created as a way to empower people to step out of their comfort zone and approach people that they might not usually have the confidence to. From what I have seen on social media, although the movement has taken off, it has taken off more among men than women. For some reason most women are still very hesitant when it comes to making the first move.
For the longest time, I never approached guys. I figured if they were really interested in me they would make the effort to show me. As you can probably guess, I never got any interest. It was only after I graduated from high school and started getting attention from guys that I used to have crushes on that I realized that all of this could have happened years ago, if I would have just made the first move and expressed how I felt. You see, for me it was never a matter of what society thought of women shooting their shot. I could have cared less about looking desperate or unladylike, my problem was I was deathly afraid of rejection. Having to deal with the humiliation of seeing the person who rejected you everyday just did not seem like anything I ever wanted to put myself through, so I didn’t… until I got to college.
A few months into my freshman year of college I saw this guy and I instantly fell in love. He was tall, had a nice smile, he was FINE AS FUCK. I knew that I had to make him mine but I had absolutely no idea how to do it. I didn’t have much of a social presence on campus and we didn’t have any mutual friends, so there was really no easy way for me to approach him. I followed him on Instagram and decided to see where things went from there. A few weeks later I posted a picture and he commented under it, I saw this as my GO, MY GREEN-LIGHT. I spent the day contemplating what to do, I asked all of my friends, what did the comment mean? Did he think I was cute or was he just being nice? I waited and waited, then at 1 AM, armpits sweating, mouth dry, I sent the dm.
“Shoot your shot 2k16 🏀”
And guess what happened? He answered and he was interested.
The point of that story was not to show that I’m Steph Curry with the shot, but to exhibit that you really never know what your outcome will be. There’s a 50/50 chance that the other person could or could not be interested. But if you don’t at least try then your chances go down to 0. Your fear of rejection or straying from the norm will always hold you back from opportunities that you might have a chance of getting.
Now don’t get me wrong, I have shot my shot multiple times and gotten Mutombo blocked many times, so many times that my friends started to compare my free-thrown average to that of Andre Roberson (apparently he sucks). I’ve shot from outside of the gym, I have air-balled. You name it, I have done it. Has my ego been hurt a little? Yes. Did I die tho? No.
I think that as a people we tend to take other people’s opinion of us as fact.
“If he thinks that I’m not attractive then that must mean I’m ugly to everyone”
This is false. People are allowed to have different opinions. Everyone is entitled to their opinion no matter how wrong it is. It is completely okay to get rejected, there are some people that just can’t see the greatness that you have to offer. But it’s nothing to take personal. If you know your potential, your worth, and what you have to offer getting a rejection should not shake you, it should only show you that he isn’t the one.
Also from my experience from not only shooting my shot but talking to men, I have found that guys like it when a girl takes initiative and makes the first move. It shows them that you’re confident and a go-getter. If he can’t handle a confident woman is he really the man for you?
So next time you see an attractive man on your timeline or in person, a man that you think might be out of your league, take a deep breath and shoot your shot… you never know it might go in.